Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
