Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
