My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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