I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
