she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
