I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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