Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
