Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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