whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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