**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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