i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
