we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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