Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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