We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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