then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
