This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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