He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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