I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
