Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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