just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
