Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
