Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize