hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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