So drunk its hurt
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
