Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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