You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
