i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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