a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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