evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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