i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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