Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
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and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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