Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
