3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
