i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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