Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
