its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon