But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.