Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.