I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????