my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
