i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess