You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Girls should come with a carfax report
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America