1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.