and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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