The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
