Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
