I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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