At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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