I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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