I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you traded sex for a burrito?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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