I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
