I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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