his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
