I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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