you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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