Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
