so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
