I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize