The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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