Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Two words: blizzard sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
