too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
