I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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