btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
