he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
