i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
