Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
