I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
