i always forget guys have bellybuttons
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
