Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
