The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
