What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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