my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
