you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
