I want to have your abortion
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
