We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
