I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
